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Baby Shower Q&A:  Etiquette
Multiple Baby Shower Questions

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Baby shower for a second baby

Diaper Party for a second child

Is it considered selfish to have more than one baby shower for a child?

Baby Shower for more than one mother-to-be (shared baby shower)

Should a grandmother attend every baby shower?

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Q:
Is it common to have a baby shower for the second baby? In our native tradition we honor each new life,  but a family member who does not follow our way suggested it would be inappropriate to have a shower for the second child. She said that is common with American Culture. Is this true?

A:
Traditionally, yes, it is true that showers were not given for second or subsequent babies, but we are a progressive society so progress has been made in celebrating all children regardless of birth order. Sometimes people may call them Baby Sprinkles instead, and it usually involves a 'sprinkling' of light gifts and wisdom on the mom to be. Everyone wants to feel special and knowing that they can fill their child’s baby book up with memories from their shower is just as important with the second child as the first.

On a side note, I would suggest explaining your reasons behind celebrating each life and tell the family member that you understand where she is coming from and it is fine if she would like to skip the festivities. I have found that baby showers can sometimes be much like weddings - filled with all the same family problems.

Good luck and please share some of the traditional native celebrations that you have, we are always interested in learning new (or old) ways to create a perfect shower.


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Q:
Is it traditional to have a diaper party if you have already had a baby shower for your first child?  I am not sure of the proper etiquette.

A:
Traditionally, baby showers were given for first children only, but we have moved past such a rigid way of thinking and have moved into celebrating all babies as they enter the world.  There is nothing saying that you can’t have a diaper party, of any size. If you want to go with a smaller shower, it is very common to host a Sprinkle for a second or third child and you can use any theme for that.  For more information read the Baby Sprinkle article.


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Q:
Is it considered selfish to have more than one shower?

A:
No not at all, especially if you are having several showers with different guests.  I know that many women will have a shower with immediate family and close friends, another for distant family and friends and a third that is held by their coworkers.  There may be guests that overlap and they may attend several showers but you should stress to them that they do not have to bring a gift to each shower.  As to being selfish, you are going to be a mother for the rest of your life, that pretty well means that you have a good 18 years or more of being selfless so take a few moments and enjoy being spoiled.


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Q:
Is it okay to throw a baby shower for two women at once?

A:
If the two women know each other and are close friends, I would say that yes, it is okay.  If it is possible to throw the shower separate, then I would suggest doing that since a baby shower is a very special time for a new parent.  However, if the moms to be have no problem sharing the celebration and all the same guests would be invited to both of them, by all means throw a baby shower for two.


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Q:
Both families are hosting separate showers. Do grandmothers to be go to both or just the one?

A:
It is up to the grandmother to decide if she wants to go to both showers, however, it is proper etiquette to send an invitation to grandmothers, great grandmothers and siblings of the mom to be. They don't have to attend but they should be included on the guest list.

Also ...

Q:
My daughter is expectant with my first grandchild....Woo Hoo!!!!!  ;-)  My question is this - Should the Grandma-to-be attend every baby shower (if invited of course)? My oldest daughter is asking me if I want to be included in the "co-workers" baby shower being thrown for my pregnant daughter ... Should I only attend the "family baby shower" or should I attend any baby shower thrown where I'm invited? What is appropriate?

A:
Congratulations on becoming a new grandmother and thank you for coming to www.baby-shower.com!  The answer to your question really depends on the number of showers and the type of showers that are being thrown. 

Generally, a Grandma-to-be will attend most (if not all) of the showers.  If she is unable to attend one, an invitation should still be sent to her simply for etiquette reasons.  If you are uncomfortable with attending some showers, I would recommend that you talk to your daughter about it and ask her what showers she would like you to attend.  Chances are she will say all of them but then again, there may be a few showers where it is not imperative that you attend.

That being said, the one exception to the rule is a co-worker's shower.  Since the invite list is usually limited to those who work with your daughter, it is not necessary for a grandma-to-be to attend that one, and usually you wouldn't.

If your daughter would like you to attend it, feel free to do so but don't feel obligated to do so.  I am sure that you will have plenty of opportunities to spoil your first grandchild, so it is okay if you don't attend every shower, especially the co-worker shower.


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