 |
|
 |
|||||||||||||||||||
|
Adoption Baby Shower
Despite the fact that a new child is joining the family, many people do not celebrate it with a baby shower. For many, the thought of a baby shower is filled with images of a bursting pregnant woman that is getting ready for her big day, the delivery of baby. We rarely think of a trim (or not so trim) mom getting ready to finish dotting all the I’s and crossing all the T’s to make sure that her new baby will safely arrive to his or her new home. For this reason, many adoptive parents are forgotten in the grand scheme of baby showers. The very first thing that you should realize is that the fears and anxieties that new adoptive parents face are the same as new parents. You worry about your abilities as a parent, if you will accomplish everything that child needs, if you will provide a better life for him or her, and so on. The list is endless and adoptive parents need to feel the love and support of their family and friends just like a new mom does. The main difference between an adoption shower and a traditional baby shower is that many are held for the families after the child has been adopted. Many things can happen to delay or stop an adoption process so it isn’t well planned to have the shower before the child has arrived to his or her new home. This avoids any heartache if the worst case scenario does occur and the adoption falls through. Since you are having a shower after the arrival of the baby (or child), you will be able to use the shower as both a celebration of the new family member and getting to know him or her as well. It is a wonderful opportunity to help the adoptive parents get everything they need and also give a few items to the newest addition. But let’s look at a few things. Not all children that are adopted are babies so does this mean that we do not have a baby shower if the child is 4 or 5 or even older. How old is too old for a baby shower? The answer is no age. Adapting to a new home can sometimes be harder for an older child than it can be for an infant (remember that this is a general rule and every situation is different). Many older children are unsure of their place in their new family, especially the extended family, and an adoption shower can help confirm for them that they are wanted by all. When you are planning your adoption shower, tailor it to the age of the child. If he or she is an infant, you can pull out the countless themes that we have offered including the Baby as Special Guest theme. Don’t feel like you have to stick with that specific theme or that you need to go with any theme at all. A few festive decorations and yummy food will be fine. The older the child gets, the more your adoption shower will change. The games will become ones that children can play with the adults, your food will be kid friendlier and your decorations will be ones that appeal to both adults and children alike. When you are sending out the invitations for an adoption shower, you should word it so that guests are aware that it was an adoption. I would say, “There are many children in the world, some that arrive here from our bellies and others that are special gifts from another. The Smiths’ are happy to introduce a child that has not grown inside them but will grow inside their hearts for the rest of their lives.” You could also do an invitation with the words, “God has gifted the Smiths’ with the child that they wanted so very much, born in another’s house but brought to the home where (s)he was destined to be.” You don’t have to shout from the rooftops that the child is adopted but you can word it so it is beautiful and caring. Generally, an adoption shower is also a Couples Shower since adoption is more of a shared journey than pregnancy is. (I apologize to anyone who takes offense to this but as much as I love my husband I know that through most of my pregnancy, he was in the spectator’s chair, cheering me on, throwing the tennis ball back into my court whenever it went out but for the most part he sat back and said, “whew, you were definitely on an emotional rollercoaster.” I also know that many other fathers are in the same spectator’s chair.) With adoption, both parents are going through the same experience, they both go to the countless meetings, agonize over whether this is the right choice for them and both go through the stress symptoms of adoption. Since they share so much in adopting, it is only appropriate for both mom and dad to be at the shower with their newest child. Now that we have gone over a few of the details surrounding an adoption shower, let’s look at the etiquette. One of the biggest problems that can arise is whether or not everyone agrees on the adoption. If there are members of the extended family that do not agree with the adoption, make the decision on whether or not you will be inviting them. I suggest stressing that this is a decision that was right for the mom and dad, and since you are celebrating the new family member, you ask that any conflicting thoughts on this matter be left out at the shower, especially if the child is older and is aware of what is being said about the adoption. Another etiquette thing to mention is to state whether the parents have signed a sealed adoption or have an open adoption. Today, many families are opting to allow the birth parents to have access to the child. If this is the case and the adoptive parents want the birth parents present, you will need to get the information together to invite them. If the adoption is closed, then you should mention that the parents would prefer not having any particulars discussed around the child. For the most part, only infants are unaware that they are adopted but it is a good practice to start right from the beginning. Finally, be aware of the stress that the child is under and don’t expect the adoptive parents to see it as clearly as you do. They are going to be overwhelmed with questions and may be going through their own stress. If the adoptive child looks upset or stressed, save the parent from the crush of questions and let them know that they seem a bit stressed. It will mean the world to both the child and the new parents that they have others looking out for their best interest. When it comes to planning an adoption shower, you can make it a traditional shower, a themed shower or one big party. You design it around the needs of the new family and what will make it comfortable for them. If they have adopted from another country, add in a few familiar items that the child will recognize from their homeland. This will bring them comfort and give your guests lots to talk about. Remember, have fun and congratulate the new parents because they have finally had the chance to complete the family they had always wanted.
Adoption Shower Q&A: Please feel free to ask us any questions you have concerning adoption showers. We are happy to answer your questions and will direct you to places that may be able to help if we are unable to do so ourselves.
Whether a child is born into the family or chosen to be part of the family, the child's needs do not change. Perhaps the new Mom could make a list of sizes for the new additions to the family. Are they the same age? Will they need warm weather clothing, summer clothing, or both? In order to keep duplicates to a minimum (and Mom will have specific needs) perhaps she would agree to make a list for the guests coming to honor her new additions. There is nothing wrong with asking for something really needed or desired, like car seats, high chairs, bedding, toys for a particular age range. Today, most people welcome ideas for gifts. Toddlers love balloons, brightly colored blocks, books, and soft and cuddly things to carry with them. Since the toddlers are coming from a different country, perhaps fun children’s videos or learning aids teaching our language would be a welcomed gift. It would be very nice to find something from their native country with which to decorate their room as well as using traditional Western decorations. Keeping in mind that the very best gift is LOVE and knowing that you are wanted; so as you choose your gift, wrap it in love!
|
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
